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Me: (Wondering where this conversation is headed) I am sure it’s more complicated than that. Before you know it, you’re sixty with one foot in the grave. Because you know what, there are people dying for you to live. Because when your life is in danger, that’s when you start appreciating it. I don’t have toilet paper but I have some wet wipes which he grabs, gets out of the car, walks to the back, pulls down his pants and squats. Besides, I’m getting sleepy so I need to get home quickly and sleep. So I have no intention of engaging him in a conversation) OK. Me: (I am driving at 140km/h now and we’re just approaching Roysambu) OK. Currently playing is Sammy Muraya’s “Dictator” Him: (Pumping up the volume then yelling above the song) I love this song! I’m surprised that he has an opinion about a Kikuyu song. (Dictator Wayuni, you weaponized your beauty and used it against men) Looks like he understands the song after all. That means you will travel to Ruiru and use the Eastern Bypass. This looks like trouble) Look, just pay me then request for another ride, OK? (That metallic taste in his voice again) I need to get to Donholm.
If I had to drive around Nairobi for a living, I’d probably turn into a serial killer and follow my passengers home and kill them in their beds just to sweeten my life up. At night, you drive back home to your wife and you’re both too tired to have an interesting shag so you just grab another shower and collapse in bed like a log. Maybe it’s the way he says it that gets me to pull over at the side of the highway. Me: (After witnessing him conducting his “human dignity” business in public, on the highway, I have lost my respect for him. I turn on the radio and normally I listen to Inooro FM because it is MY radio inside MY car. Him: (Singing along) Dictator wayuni, watuire uthaka waku silaha unyarirage arume… I pull over at the Cooperative Bank and ask him again where in Githurai he needs to be dropped off. I have decided I want to go to Donholm via Kangundo Road.
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Him: (Laughing) Where I come from, they only have bullets, guns, bombs, khat and prostitutes.
They must have just invented a sense of humor where you come from. You just might be the Issac Newton of humor where you come from.
As he walks towards me, I notice that he looks different from his voice.
It takes me less than five minutes to drive from The Hood to the Department of Defence (Do D) gate where I find him waiting for me.
© Dayan Masinde ____________________________ GET A COPY OF THE LOVE BOOK, "GOOD SEX BAD SEX", WRITTEN BY DAYAN MASINDE STEP 1: MPESA Ksh.
Sex outside the equation of love is missing the bigger picture. One day, after sexing your fiftieth victim, You will look back and regret. This great woman gave you a chance but you blew it. You talk to me as if I am your employee, your distant friend. You gave me love, care, time and admiration; As soon as I gave you the very core of me, warmth on the bed; You gave me nothing, nothing but a cold shoulder, cold as ice. You are the one with the issue and I won't let you mess me up. No phone calls from you, no date invites for me to say yes or no to. Was all your charm and goodness a Get-her-to-bed campaign? You thought sex was the end, the trophy at the finish line. After the sex, I see your eyes staring at other women. You made me feel like I don't have what it takes to keep a man. After the sex, after I gave you what I deny any other man, You changed. In fact, I can't remember the last time you looked into my eyes. There is no care in your words; you talk to me however you feel like. You made me feel worthless, like I am poor at making love, unattractive. Surely it existed before Newton noticed that apples don’t fly around in the air when they are thrown up but they come hurtling down to the ground. Then comes a white guy who sees it and says; drumroll; “There lies a huge mountain that the natives don’t give a shit about. But the thing about peace is that people forget to live, you know? Which is why I’m shocked when he says, Him: Stop the car. He takes one long dump without any hurry or care in the world.