You have to de-program yourself from thinking negatively.

You’re basically setting yourself up to fail when you focus on what you don’t have or on people that aren’t interested in you.

However, I have noticed over the past 5 years that the men who approach me have been getting exponentially older (seriously, I was recently contacted online by a 70 year old man – older than my father).

If you don’t know who he is, he’s a well known dating/relationship expert that started e-Cyrano, an online dating profile writing company.

He’s also written a book called “Why You’re Still Single.” We talked about how frustrating it is for women (and I’m sure men) to only get contacted by people that they would never in a million years consider dating.

Evan tried to tell me that women should just delete those e-mails and not give them a second thought.

I agreed with that, but also told him that the reason why hearing from only those people is frustrating is that it makes you wonder what it is about you that is attracting only these people.

that spouses should be from the same generation so that the relationship will succeed for the long term). It’s also going to require that you ask yourself why, at 38, you’re still single. First, learn to accept the reality that a 38-40 year old marriage minded man is going to want someone a good 5-7 years younger than him if he wants kids. A 40-45 year old man who’s not interested in having children is going to want a woman who isn’t dead set on having kids. The guys who wink or e-mail me within minutes of logging on.

Most will assume that a 38 year old woman will want kids. The age we are at (35-40) is probably the toughest of all. They’re contacting me because they think “She’s 38 and using online dating so she must be somewhat anxious or desperate and will give me a second glance.” If they’re not thinking that way, then they are men so lacking in self-awareness that you wouldn’t want to date them anyway.

Surround yourself with positivity as much as you can so that their attitude rubs off on you. Read the signs, pay attention to how the other person reacts to you. That could be simply reorganizing priorities to dropping 10 pounds, to going in to therapy, to taking up yoga to learn how to relax. Better yet, ask someone who isn’t that close to you. ” Or are you one of those women who thinks that, by doing so, you’d be “settling? People who tell themselves that there is “no one” out there for them or who focus on how they don’t have someone will continue to have bad luck in the love department.

If you have to ask yourself , “Are they interested? Is there something about you physically or personality-wise that might be turning men off? You literally have to stop yourself from saying things like “Every women/man” is this or that.

I cut out pictures of Jessica Biehl and hung them over my desk on my bulletin board.