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“When I look at Ok Cupid, it takes 20 emails, five minutes each, to get a response,” one tech industry sugar daddy tells me. My time is more valuable than that.” Whatever it is, sugar dating is on the rise.
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Whats Your Price boasts a similarly favorable ratio. His date may then design a fantasy night out—for which he handles all expenses.
Boston began soliciting dates with women aged 31 to 63, stating in his profile that he was married. He also compensates the date for her time if she asks, matching what he calculates as her overtime wages, sometimes $25 to $50 an hour.
He doesn’t care if his peers judge him—he is transparent (Bruce Boston is his real name), awash in women, and, frankly, effervescent about it. Is sugar dating just a genteel form of prostitution, the latest incarnation of an age-old pay-to-play tradition?
Or is it a form of erotic efficiency, a cut-to-the-chase innovation in a supercharged culture with no time for the dance of courtship?
“I prefer to spend it on people I have a crush on.” Boston views his munificence as a sort of philanthropy, a horny twist on Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff’s call for tech workers to give back to the region’s less fortunate.
He prefers to pay for things that contribute to his dates’ careers, like tuition, or that “help them get from a bad place to a good place,” like taking someone who’s feeling glum out for Valentine’s Day. His wife divorced him (she dismissed his claim of being polyamorous as just an excuse for cheating), he says that he was excommunicated from the Cupertino Mormon church, and he’s living in a trailer.Boston is one of a growing number of 21st-century sugar daddies: well-off men who unabashedly pay for female companionship, friendship, and sex.And he’s probably getting more of the latter than most of the other men here.“Winks” from women showing their interest in his profile—some of them alarmingly attractive in a blow-dried Laguna Beach way—started rolling in at the rate of three to four a week. The woman can choose—and Boston emphasizes in his profile that he respects her choice—either “good clean fun,” like hand-holding and small kisses, or “friends with benefits.” Beyond the costs of the dates, Boston has helped with other expenses: an Ikea bed, a transmission, a Tiffany bracelet.And so Boston became a dating machine, landing rendezvous with about 30 women so far. “Some people spend money on cars or a vacation,” Boston says.But interviews with men and women who post profiles on sugar sites reveal individuals who are far more complex than the stereotypes suggest.